


Immortality is Mortal

by LuKaz3



Category: Popee the Performer (Anime)
Genre: Hallucinations, Heavy Angst, Other, Suicidal Thoughts, adding more tags will be spoilers lol
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-22
Updated: 2017-09-26
Packaged: 2018-12-18 11:46:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,274
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11873700
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LuKaz3/pseuds/LuKaz3
Summary: Life had no limits in the Wolf Circus—until it does.Little by little, Popee realizes that he was not living the correct life; Popee realizes that nothing in the Wolf Circus truly exists. He wakes up...And he’s home.





	1. Still Perishable (CH1)

**Author's Note:**

> Something goes wrong, and Popee faces the consequences.

There are those moments when Popee feels the fear kick in.

To say the least, life seemed to be unlimited to Popee—quite literally. He couldn’t count the amount of times he’s gone through death; it’s as frequent as taking a bath twice a day. They don’t have to worry; they come back as good as new the next day.

Then there’s the fear, it pitches in with the inevitable thought that it’s possible that one day they’ll die, and this time, they’re not coming back.

But Popee, since when was he ever cautious? He’d dismiss the worry as soon as he sees another exciting trick, and with that, he dismisses his dearest friend Kedamono’s safety. But Kedamono _doesn’t._ Despite the few times the wolf has had the courage to leave him to suffer alone; Popee knows Keda’s treated him better. But Popee cares; he just doesn’t exactly have the life that taught him how he should show it.

But here he is, staring at his book of tricks on a Lotus position against the side of a wall. This time, the page about High Wire immediately caught his attention. Balancing on a wire isn’t something new in the Wolf Circus; however, Popee is feeling very much on top these days, and what more to do to express his feelings than doing the most dangerous acts unprofessionally?

“Err, we don’t really have the best memories of that, do we...?” That was immediately Kedamono’s reply when Popee basically shoves the page into his face. “Does it matter?” Popee responded, taking back the book for him to excitedly gaze at.

At this point, Kedamono already understood that whatever his partner wanted, he had no choice on it. Despite planning to relax today, it’s clearly impossible when Popee’s around. His mask of concern falls, revealing another one with furrowed eyebrows. “Guess it doesn’t.” Besides, it’s just practice—he says that a lot to himself to make it sound better, “But—we don’t ha—““I got it!” Before he could make an excuse, Popee proudly shows off a rope on one hand, and a balance pole on the other.  
\-------

As soon as Kedamono removes his paws from tying up the rope to the post, Popee rapidly jumps on the string without a thought, “Wait, Popee, be careful!” He reaches out to the blond. Popee doesn’t exactly understand why he’s still being all too careful, seeing as the rope has been tied merely five feet away from the ground.

Popee ignores the other’s small warning, smirking at the ground beneath him. This is how he wanted to feel—on top; the best entertainer; and superior. Yet, he still yearns for the praise and approval of higher performers.

He lifts his chin to the air with a deep breath before twisting his back and jumping into a backflip, landing back on the rope with a little stumble. He grins and turns back to his companion, who encouraged Popee further with his amused clapping.

A bigger beam appears on his face, basking in all of his ‘audience’s applause, before ending the act with a confident bow.

This action, however, completely ruined his stance, resulting to Popee staggering to keep on the line—but alas, he falls into a wave of sand; he’s lucky he’s still awake and coughing, though his sight is dizzy. His face must be bleeding again. He forces himself to his butt, sandy hands formed in fists. And like the brat he is, anger clouded his senses more than his bloody injury. From the corner of his blurry eyes, he sees the familiar purple feet running up to where he sat in pain.

“I told you to be caref—““I was! I just stumbled, is al--”A cough of blood ends his sentence abruptly. Kedamono’s mask visibly shows his concern, even when Popee rudely declines his helping hand. The blond attempts to stand on his two shaky knees, but his legs gave away, sending him back to the ground.

This wasn’t as painful as before.

This time, Popee suddenly latches onto Keda’s arm, and places a hand on his stinging wound—he pulls it back, staring at the red plasma that drips down to his arm, “Kedamono—this...feels different.” 

“What? Popee, Popee—What do you m—“Popee’s hearing gradually fades, and he takes the opportunity to watch Keda’s mask turn into one of fear and worry, before darkness completely crawls into his vision.  
\-------

He wasn’t sure how long he’s been out, but Popee wakes up in a dim tent—which helps him assume that it’s perhaps already evening. It’s more likely that it’s very early in the morning, seeing as that’s the time they wake back up to life if they ever pass away the day before.

He lifts his hand to his forehead, which he found to be wrapped in dry blood-soaked bandages. It’s odd—didn’t he die? If so, why would he still have this bruise; to remind him that he literally just died merely by falling 5 feet down?

Popee bites down on his lower lip. That’s just pathetic—he tried practicing a trick involving heights to feel bigger, not feel more ashamed. Light suddenly showers the dark room, and Popee quickly turns his head to squint his eyes at the walking silhouette—ah, perhaps he’s finally reached Heaven. Then Kedamono’s structure becomes recognizable, holding a plate of apples.

His blank faced mask changes into glee as he sees Popee attempt to stand from his thin mattress. “You were still breathing, so Papi decided to fix you up.” Keda explains when he noticed the blond’s hand rubbing at his bandages. Papi—Popee hated him so much. He’s Popee’s tutor, and is a very experienced and strong performer unlike the bunny boy; and Popee hates it, very much. It’s already enough that Kedamono is mostly better than him at doing tricks, but Papi had to come and drain his superiority further.

Kedamono notices the little distress in Popee’s expression, and decided to place the platter of apples right next to him, then sitting along with the young teen, “What did you mean?”

“What?” Popee raises an eyebrow.

“Before you fainted—you said that it felt different.” It’s true that Popee remembers little to nothing after he fell, but he recalls the faint memory of agony that’s different from the one he’s familiar with. He lets his eyes wander to the ceiling, “It’s...hard to explain.”

Then his pupils fall back down on Keda, “You know how we’re used to pain, right?” Kedamono nods.

“The...What I felt last time, it feels more weird, or something,” Then he found the perfect word, “It felt more...Real?” Keda’s mask falls, an expression of curiosity and interest replacing the previous.

Then Popee’s irritation comes back, “And that’s only from falling a few feet down! I’ve swallowed a sword, and I’m even more than willing to repeat that!” Keda noticeably gulps at his comment, flashbacks of said montage appearing back in his mind. Popee doesn’t even truly understand why he’s getting so worked up over this. He snatches an apple and takes a harsh bite from the fruit.

Before any of the two could continue the conversation, Papi strolls in casually. A smile brighter than Popee’s future formed on his face when he saw the blond has finally woken up from a painful slumber.

Each genuine grin or concern Papi gives, it’s like a trap of some sort to Popee. He couldn’t get himself to trust the man that keeps him low in the pyramid, even if he knows Papi has helped him learn more tricks than he’s ever proud enough to mention. “Keda has informed me of the accident during your tightrope walking practice.” Popee bites harder on his apple with each word he hears from the older man.

“And I was planning that today; perhaps, I could show a little demonstration.”

Kedamono watches the apple core get gradually crushed inside Popee’s fist with concern and mostly fear—then it stops, yet, Keda only feels more dread when he raises his head to the suspicious grin on Popee’s face. “That would be nice,” Using the unalarmed Keda’s shoulder as support, Popee finally stands on his two feet after what felt like a long time. The trio exits the tent; Keda’s anxiety seemingly having no effect in the atmosphere, as all three seems to have their own world. Papi narrows his eyes and points at a certain point at the post, “Let’s start with ten feet—““That’s boring,” Popee cuts in, “Thirty feet.”

Papi raises an eyebrow to this, but he doesn’t say a word to disagree. He hands the rope to the two apprentices, “Let’s get to work, then.”  
\-----

Usually, Kedamono expects Popee to always look smug or in the very least suspicious when he’s planning something, but he noticed the brand new thoughtful expression on the teen’s face. After tying the rope up, he taps the blond’s shoulder.

Popee jumps, swiftly turning his attention to the wolf, “What?”. Before Keda could mutter a word, Papi arrives in all his glory—hands on his hips and a confident beam on his face. Then with a flash, the contemplative face Popee had before disappeared.

Instead of immediately starting the trick, Papi gives a wink to the irritated Popee and terrified Kedamono—and finally, crosses professionally onto the string without a small frightened glance at the ground. Keda’s unease worsens when Popee starts to reach out inside his infamous blue shoulder bag. He grabs Popee’s wrist with a shaking paw, earning his signature glare in return. “Let go!” He orders in a hushed manner. Kedamono shakes his head vigorously. Popee’s hand reaches his desired object, and he takes the chance to grab his wrist back from Kedamono.

A knife; it’ll do.

Jealousy blocked every part of his senses—and he stared at the seemingly distracted Papi. Killing him never fails to make Popee better—well, including the fact that he never succeeds in murdering his tutor like he expected.

He doesn’t hear the pleading whimpers from his wolf companion, all he can hear is the sound of knife grinding against the rope, and all he could see is Papi’s crushed body all the way thirty feet down. Finally, finally, the rope gives away. And for once, Popee sees the shock in Papi’s face—he didn’t see it coming.

_He didn’t!_ He didn’t see it coming!

As if his grin couldn’t go wider, it extended the further Papi falls. It’s so satisfying—isn’t he powerful? Why isn’t he doing something? If perhaps he’s doing this so Popee would feel honest glee, then Popee very much appreciates it.

_Crunch_

Even from so far up, the teen hears it more than Keda’s whines of distress. He’s finally above.

But then—then THAT fear returns; his jealousy took over him again, again, again. But he dismisses it, again, again, again. He told Keda that Papi’s coming back the next day—and everything will go back to normal, as if that never happened. Nothing will change.

But Papi never came back.


	2. Change (CH2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hope for Papi’s return affects the people he left; Popee and Keda takes some time to get along.

Things got weird in the Wolf Circus. It felt almost lonely. Kedamono spends all of his days watching ‘UFO Girls’ without having to worry that Popee might bother him into another deadly act. Speaking of Popee—he’s the one that changed the most.

Everything just went back to those times before Papi returned to the circus to tutor the blond teen. Those days, it was just Popee, Keda, and his unhealthy obsession with bombs.

But it feels like it’s only Kedamono left in the circus. Most of the time he sees Popee, he’s sulking; or if he’s lucky, eating an apple or two. It was unusual for the brat to get upset over something he did on purpose. Kedamono would say that he’s just not used to it, but if he were to be honest, he really doesn’t like it. No, he’d rather not engage in more life-risky tricks, but he misses Popee—the real Popee, the Popee he knew, his ‘friend’. Despite the amount of times he’s been violated, he still deeply cares about the blond teen.

“What you want?” Popee grunted when Keda started to poke him with a chicken leg, “Let’s talk.” He gives a simple answer—he’s established that he isn’t one to talk a lot, unlike Popee, who he considers as probably the loudest person he’s ever met—not like he’s met a lot of people, anyway.

“What is there to talk about?” Popee continues to avoid looking at Kedamono.

“Then, we don’t have to talk.”

So, Popee doesn’t. Kedamono expected himself to feel awkward when his friend isn’t talking, but finds that the silence helps the both of them grow more comfortable, just sitting on the ground under a thousand stars. It’s mostly because of the fact that Popee seems to have a world of his own, he looks less tense and his tail is freely wagging slowly. This is the most calm Kedamono has seen him.

Then the blond sighs, and buries half of his face in his arms, “It’s my entire fault. Papi is gone and it’s my entire fault.”

Keda doesn’t deny it, because everyone knows well that Popee deserves a moment to contemplate his actions. Instead, Kedamono hands him the last chicken leg, and his mask falls to reveal an encouraging one. Popee turns down the offer, but couldn’t help but give a small smirk to make the wolf feel better. Thinking that seems very foreign—he rarely does anything just for the sake of making Kedamono happy. He can’t exactly determine why Keda still doesn’t appear as brooding, especially when Popee is around.

“Kedamono, am I selfish?” Popee asks.

“We’re all selfish about some things.” It seems insufficient, but Popee feels satisfied with that answer.  
\---------------

That night gave Popee a newfound care for who he wants to consider his best friend. At least, he wants to care. He believes that he’d lost the ability to feel anything close to love—but he feels guilt, because he knows that Keda deserves so much better.

There are lots of things Popee can’t feel.

This time, he’s trying his best to sense something out of their friendship—he helps him, gives him chicken legs, and lets him prance around doing whatever he wants without having to worry about Popee. But all he feels is...Stress. He had to remind himself every time why he’s even pressuring himself to do this.

It’s to change. He wants to change.

Popee realized that he hasn’t, when at times, he’d accidentally snap and lose his temper like before. More often than not, Kedamono’s fear of him still remains evident. But Keda seems to know exactly what the blond is trying to do—and like the angel he is; he always gives the most encouraging words.

“You’re changing.” Keda mentioned once, and Popee feels that small tint of pride back in his soul.

\-------------------  
Things started to become much more different after...Papi’s demise. It’s different in the sense that, if there was never a line to not cross before, there is now. Everything felt warmer; pain became more painful; and jealousy leads to regret. Even the once-sentient wall of audience felt like it lost its life. Nearly everything that makes the Wolf Circus unique and magical disappeared. They don’t even have the big materials that conveniently appear for their acts—that includes Paola.

Actually, it seems that everyone else—Frog, Alien, and the Mirrors—also ceased from existence. That leaves only Popee, Kedamono, and their thoughts. The only supernatural thing left in the Circus is Kedamono and his ever-changing mask.

It was night; and at this time, Keda would most likely be relaxing with UFO girls playing on TV—but Popee found him on the ground, grinding two tree branches together. “What are you doing?” Popee kneels beside him, voice more demanding than genuinely confused.

“I’m making fire,” Keda seems to be more calm around Popee nowadays; it’s not like he’s always been constantly scared of his presence, but he appears to have gained more trust in Popee.  
Popee glares at the sticks, as if they know something that he should, “Why?” “Because, it’s really cold tonight,” Keda patiently answers—his ability to keep his tolerance is a true gift.

“But it’s not cold.” As expected, Popee instantly argued. Kedamono, as much as he hated to say it, is really glad that Popee still has his signature spirit.

“You’re wearing a bunny onesie...In the desert,” Keda’s mask falls, revealing a smug look as Popee’s face reddens from embarrassment. For some odd reason, he loves his suit enough to almost never take it off—heck, Popee attempted to murder him just for accidentally shooting an ear off the infamous onesie. Popee crosses his arms, “Joke’s on you—I’m not covered with fur unlike you,” Then he reaches his hand to him; more specifically, the sticks, “I win. Give me that.” 

“Get it yourself—no weapons,” Keda’s mask changes into one with its tongue out. Honestly, he wasn’t sure if he completely pissed Popee off or if he playfully accepted the challenge, but he obediently removed his blue bag, and ran after the wolf.

It didn’t look as playful as it sounded. They were running and chasing as if it’s a game of life and death, but the atmosphere feels calm and generally fun—not like the atmosphere when Popee chases Keda with a chainsaw in hand.

Then laughter filled the circus. It was just Popee and Kedamono. It was just two friends, without the flowing thoughts of guilt, jealousy and fear.

Popee ends the game when he manages to tackle Kedamono to the ground, and claiming the sticks for himself. He stuck his tongue out in the same fashion as Keda’s previous teasing mask, before removing himself from the Purple wolf and staring at the sticks.

“We need bigger wood for this,” He glances at Kedamono, “and something that would burn—like paper!” Keda nods in amusement, “Where did you learn all that?” The question totally brought back Popee’s thoughtful face, “I...Guess I’ve always known?” He shrugs.

They had no marshmallows that night, but they felt more than happy to spend it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> eeee  
> IF IT ISN'T OBVIOUS, THIS IS KIND OF A FILLER.  
> I tried my best to at least explore their friendship further while I'm throwing bullshit at your face so it won't be completely useless. However, it isn't quite close to the biggest problem of the plot just yet, so this type of boring fillers are gonna be here for just a while.  
> Also, I've decided that updates will be scheduled on Tuesdays.


	3. The Voices in my head (CH3)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Voices starts to plague Popee’s mind, and it doesn’t help the suicidal thoughts starting to reside in his head—But, Kedamono never left his side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You should be aware of this when you read the tags, but...  
> ¡TRIGGER WARNING: SUICIDAL THOUGHTS!

_‘Are you ever even coming back?’_

Popee smacked the side of his head with frustration, as if hoping that the voice would fall right out of his ear. Almost routinely, he’d hear soft noises of people talking in his head, before a voice, seemingly closer would mutter something that he doesn’t quite understand.0

It didn’t come into his head out of the blue—in fact, it gradually developed into more of a general nuisance.

Actually, he can’t really simply call it a nuisance; it’s really just getting to him. It doesn’t just anger him, it upsets him. In the past few days, he starts to go back to his old snappy attitude to Kedamono, and that’s not really what he needs to get closer to his friend.

He’s told Kedamono about it; because honestly, it’s already far too obvious that something is really pissing him off. Keda is very patient with him; he’s really got a lot of good qualities. It sparks a fire within Popee, but it isn’t guilt anymore.

He’s glad that he can feel something else other than guilt now.

“Are the voices bothering you again?” Keda asks as soon as Popee starts grumbling angrily to himself. “They’re really annoying! If they had a—“He started to use his hands to seemingly form a body shape in the air, “—physical body, I’d kill them and use their corpses for my bloodthirsty desires!”

Kedamono’s mask changes into a completely worried expression. Popee would find it hilarious, but he’s too busy being too irritated about his current issue.

As much as his friend improved, Kedamono still finds him mentioning his psychopathic thoughts. Even though the possibility that he’ll die for real this time if Popee kills him increased, he feels much safer; and that’s exactly what Popee needed—Kedamono’s trust and comfort.

_‘I hate this so much...’_

Another trail of indecipherable sentences followed, and it’s those Popee hates the most. They all seem to cover every context possible, and leave him confused and frustrated. Plus, there’s just something so recognizable at the tone of their voices that makes him thirstier to understand each word they speak.

“ARGH, STOP!” Popee digs his fingers into his head. It looked painful to Keda, but all Popee really wanted at this point was for it to be done with him.

If this is what he gets for killing Papi, then you’re too late, voices, Popee already learned his lesson very well and you didn’t need to make it worse.

It was Keda that first noticed Popee’s teeth digging into his already bleeding lower lip, and he immediately grabbed his wrist as if to distract him. “Popee, stop,” Keda requests more than demanded, “Your lip’s bleeding. Let’s just relax, okay?” 

“H-How the hec—How do I calm down with THIS?!” Popee exclaims, “It’s turning me insane, Kedamono! How do you expect me to relax with this all over in my mind—““Stop panicking,” Keda puts a finger at his mask’s mouth, “That’s the first step.”

Popee pursed his lips. It’s going to be hard for someone as panicky as he is—well; he can’t use that word, because he’s more on the overreacting side. 

The voices are back again, but he doesn’t listen this time. He tried not to; he figured that maybe listening to Kedamono this once would work better. Seeing Popee’s obvious distressed expression, Keda starts to struggle with offering help with making it easier.

“Err...” He panics, “Uhm, picture that you’re currently the world’s best performer, everyone sheds their blood and sweat just to see you live, uhm, professionally sawing me, your supposed sidekick, in half, and, an—“ He stops with a smile on his mask when he notices the ear-to-ear grin on Popee’s now relaxed expression. 

Popee sighs in relief, before looking up at Keda with a nervous face, “Want to eat drumsticks or something all day?”

 

Even despite Kedamono’s overwhelming support, Popee couldn’t help but consider his own death at times—maybe this time, he’ll disappear like Papi did.

Maybe if he does that, he practically exchanges his life to bring back Papi, and then perhaps the voices would stop, and—

Kedamono wouldn’t have to care about him anymore.

It stings to think that, but it’s accurately what he deserves. He deserves rest. And Popee’s not helping in any way or form—he’s making it worse. He’s making everything worse. He’s such a horrible creature, why does he exist? Why does he HAVE to exist?

It’s forcing him to stay alive. He doesn’t WANT to stay alive.

Popee knows he has a higher chance of ending it all, after...Papi. But then he sees that stupid grin on Keda’s mask and it all fades away—then, he’s happy. Kedamono makes him happy.

But it shouldn’t, because Popee doesn’t have the right. He doesn’t deserve each and every support he receives from Keda. Kedamono is so loving, kind, caring and so perfect and Popee...Selfish, spoiled, immature Popee who couldn’t even do his job right.

He never felt any of this before, the overwhelming depression that he now has to carry all around on his shoulder, and having to act like it doesn’t exist for the sake of Keda not having to be concerned for his sake. 

His feelings are starting to get more genuine, real. He feels real things, and he wasn’t expecting real feelings to hurt so much. He’s lost all pride that keeps every inch of his spirit.

He’s...just an empty shell of anger now. Kedamono doesn’t need something like that.

And the voices—oh, the voices, they’re here just to make it all worse, are they? Their job is to show Popee’s true nature, so he would snap and make Kedamono realize that he shouldn’t stay and tolerate him any longer, or worse, Popee will still snap in the end and probably kill Kedamono and oh god he doesn’t want to hurt Keda anymore

He wants to die, he wants to see his wrist’s veins open, drown in his own blood, and then maybe Papi’s in a different afterlife where you don’t get any horrible emotions like this, and Popee wants to be there.

Popee wants to be to what he used to be, a ball of jealousy.

But God, he’d kill to keep Kedamono, his angel, safe. No one and nothing shall touch him—and, if he leaves, Kedamono will be so exposed and vulnerable...Maybe, maybe, he’ll find a new friend, and then—forget about Popee, but Popee doesn’t want him to forget—

_NO, NO, NO, NO YOU’RE NOT WORTHY OF THAT----_

If someone should ever keep Keda happy and safe, it’s not Popee. He can’t imagine it—but at the same time, he can—in his arms, Kedamono will be safe.

“Heh,” Popee chuckles dryly to himself, ‘If only your arms felt any at all safe.’

Kedamono is scared of him, _hates_ him. It should stay like that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is technically a late update.  
> Instead, you still get another much more angstier check-in to how the duo's doing--again. (gg im a forgetful guy eeee) However, we're two chapters away from the actual, real t h i c c plot of the story, and I'm excited to finally move on from all this filler crap.
> 
> Goal word count: Over 1K+  
> Achieved word count: 1,154


	4. Nothing’s fine, but we can pretend (CH4)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kedamono reminisces the time Popee saved him, and as his savior’s self-loath deepens, he returns the favor.

It’s impossible for Kedamono to not catch up on Popee’s new tendency to jump or look more panicked than usual. It’s almost scary to see him in a state anywhere near scared—simply, because, that’s not Popee.

The Popee he knows doesn’t let anything—not even death—scare him. Honestly, if he were to be honest, Keda thinks only a person better than him at anything can evoke paranoia in that boy. 

And while Kedamono has always felt a lot of things, it was painfully obvious that something else starts to burn inside Popee besides apathy and Jealousy.

Popee definitely had been a complete pain—sometimes literally. But Kedamono still could never get himself to not care about the blond, despite the fact that he’s been abused so many times.

But he would be totally gone if it weren’t for him and Papi. Perhaps, the Wolf Circus really just had the power to prevent permanent death—but before he was brought there, impending death had been on his way.

He thought there was no getting out.

_~~_

_Oh god, he’s alone._

_The realization came in too late, but at least he’s well aware now that no one’s there to help him. All he could think of earlier was the scattered pieces of his mother._

_His mother—she’s dead, she’s dead—_

_He can’t deal with remembering her so much that he can’t even handle the fact that he looks exactly just like her. Well, it’s what started the wearing mask habit. At least, when he looks into his reflection, he’ll see himself and not the torn apart corpse of...her._

_He can’t remember much about how it exactly happened. But he could clearly remember that bouncy white-haired demon._

_Keda was a bit smaller that time, and granted, faster. He escaped easily. It wasn’t until it’s been days that he realized he’d only starve to death anyway. Dying seems to be inevitable at this point._

_Then, then—_

_“Your acting is becoming a bit of an over exaggeration at this point.”_

_“Ugh, I just want to go back to the circus. What’re we s’pposed to do out here?” It seems to be a younger voice, “It’s really hot!”_

_“That’s because you’re in an onesie, son.” “--says the one dressed like a harlequin!”_

_Kedamono immediately cowers behind a batch of dying bushes and rocks. It feels like hiding behind a pole, and he’s obviously exposed, but he wishes to God that he’d be given mercy after everything he’s been through and the two voices would leave immediately._

_But he involuntarily did something at the wrong place._

_He whimpered._

_“Did you hear that?” Kedamono felt his heart stop, “Heard what, son?” “Stop calling me that. Also, I thought I heard someth—there it is again!” Keda really needs to train how to stop making noises. He’ll take note of that later on._

_He heard what sounded like feet landing gracefully into the sand, and at this point, Keda’s pretty sure the entire world hates him. He’ll realize it doesn’t._

_Hands rustled through his pathetic little hideout, and he’s surprised the feminine looking boy—seemingly a teenager—took a while to realize that he’s actually there. Keda stares into his big, curious, Sky Blue eyes with fear and cower. Finally, after what felt like painful years, the teen tore his eyes away from Keda, and turns back to the other man he was talking with earlier, “I found something—er, someone? Is it alive?”_

_He poked the terrified Kedamono, who broke out of his moment of terror and crawled as far away as possible, “It’s a someone!” He grins eagerly, eyebrows furrowed with mischievousness. Soon, the other older man entered his line of sight._

_His structure looks similar to the teenager’s—he thought that perhaps he inherited the feminine body structure from what Kedamono assumes as his ‘father’._

_“Oh dear, look at how thin he is!” He exclaims with concern, rushing to sweating Keda and leaving behind a pouting blond._

_Then, the pout from the boy’s face disappeared in half a second, replaced by another one of those eerily impish smirks, “Let’s keep him!” He quickly...’requested’, “I’m naming him Popee JR.”_

_“Popee, no...” The harlequin denies quickly, “Perhaps it has its own name. I’d like to keep ‘Papi’ as my name, thank you very much! I think this poor creature would like to keep its name as well.” He smiles sweetly at Keda, “Do you have a name, little guy?”_

_“K-Ke—“He stutters, and then stops for a moment of hesitation. “Ke? What kinda name is that?” The teen frowned once again, “Told you Popee JR. Works better.”_

_“K-Kedamono!” He exclaims in a rush, then slowly shrinks when both eyes curiously looks back down on him, “Kedamono—that’s my, uhm, that’s what my...mother calls me.”_

_Keda gulps when he sees the blond glare at him—or, straight through him. Perhaps, he’s glaring at the entire world—he seems like the type to hate every single living thing._

_“Well, Kedamono, you shall call me Papi!” ‘Papi’ smiles brightly, “and little lad down there is Popee. He’s rude at times, but you’ll get used to it! You’ll be good friends, for sure.”_

_‘Popee’ approaches with a grin, reaching out a hand for Keda to take—honestly; it feels like signing a contract if he accepts his help. But nonetheless, he takes it, and was pulled back up onto his feet, “Popee. Don’t forget that,” His grin widens with pride and genuine excitement, “Because THIS Popee will be the one to change your life!”_

_~~~~_

Well, Popee really did change his life, didn’t he? He changed it in both terrible and amazing ways. He’s an unstoppable cataclysmic force of nature, and nature can be both gorgeous yet disastrous at the same time.

Ah, right, nature—perhaps that’s the perfect thing to compare Popee to.

It...Actually hurts, when that painful brat has the unfamiliar tint of melancholy in his eyes. Not just because Popee was the one who found him, but perhaps because he finally felt like he has a friend.

He wasn’t the greatest friend when he first arrived in the Wolf Circus. Popee was the worst, Keda dares say. But...During the following days, especially when the voices in Popee’s head started, they’ve learned to rely on each other—support each other.

It felt so genuine. Popee felt so genuine.

Of course, maybe because the teen’s going through so much trouble that he manages to show Kedamono his true colors—but when it ends, he’ll probably go back to what he used to be. Yet, at the same time, Keda really wants to help him, especially that night when he heard a scream.

He was merely spending his evening enjoying his usual plate of chicken legs when Popee’s shriek rang throughout the entire circus. It’s not a rare occurrence—it seems that the voices are really getting to the poor boy. Every night, Keda prepares himself for the distressed screech of Popee. He’d say the kid doesn’t deserve this, but...

Kedamono shakes his head, ‘it doesn’t matter if they deserve it or not.’ He scolds himself, flinching at how much it sounds like ‘her’, ‘The only thing that matters is you help those in need. Just like she said...’

“Popee,” He calls out gently into the dim tent—Keda made him sleep there now, as Popee said that the dark calms him. He heard a whimper, then a body tackling him to the ground—god, Popee is heavier than he looks.

He’s shivering, yet making absolutely no sound. It’s eerie; he doesn’t have a single memory of Popee crying; except...that one time, when they truly bonded together. It doesn’t start as obnoxious sobbing. Instead, he only sniffs even with waterfalls flowing down his cheeks, and then it gradually turns into loud weeps.

Even in subtle discomfort, he places a hand on Popee’s back with pats, “It’s alright,” Kedamono reassures in a gentle manner, “It’s only us here now, and I won’t hurt you. No one will hurt you, okay?”

Then, all he could hear was the inconsistent breathing, before he was pulled back up into a sitting position and the heavy weight on him disappeared. There was a click, and suddenly, light showered upon the two friends.

It took Keda a while to realize that it came from Popee’s hand-held spotlight, and not heaven calling upon them. Popee was in front with him, on his knees but leaning down enough to be at eye level with Kedamono.

His eyes were casted down—it looked like he was absolutely guilty. During times like this, Kedamono expected Popee to ask for his help back to sleep, instead, he speaks: “Will you miss me?”

“What?” Keda’s comforting mask falls into a confused and generally concerned expression. Popee subtly bites his lower lip, “If I was the one in Papi’s place...Will you miss me?”  
“Why would you ever—““Just answer it...Answer as honestly as you can,” Keda was slightly surprised by the tone of his voice, monotone; tired; and desperate for a response.

He got too used to the short-tempered Popee that seeing him so genuinely mentally exhausted is rare and shocking. It scares Kedamono due to the fact that the only thing keeping this place familiar is Popee’s personality.

Popee’s soul must have been so crushed—he can’t be honest with this.

“O-Of course,” Kedamono struggles to form a white lie, but he’s found out long ago that he’s bad at it, “If we both miss Papi now, we’d be devastated—““Honestly.” Popee repeats with a glare, which immediately turns back into his weary face, “Please, just let me know the truth.”

Popee rarely uses please. Kedamono could count all the rare occurrences Popee used please on one hand—and he has three fingers in one hand, for Christ’s sake! Just seeing his begging eyes already works.

Kedamono turns away for a moment, “Look, Popee, you’re not the best person—no one is,” He places both of his paws on the boy, “This isn’t a fairy tale where everyone and everything is perfect—and if you want the truth? Sometimes I really just hated you.”

Despite the probable harshness in his use of words, Popee’s expression remained still, much to Keda’s distress and relief, “But I’m sensitive, and it doesn’t help if I lose something significantly pieced into my life. Even if they...forced themselves to be in my life,” This is when Popee turns away, Kedamono isn’t sure what this means, “The point is—you’re like a normal occurrence in my routine now, and if you’re gone, everything’s confusing and nothing goes right so easily.”

Then, it clicks in Keda’s mind.

“Popee—if you think leaving me behind is the best idea, it isn’t,” Kedamono almost begs, “It’s either you leave me living a much more chaotic existence or talk to me about it.”

That’s when everything Popee had been keeping to himself flowed down his cheeks in the form of tears. He gulped the loud, inarticulate sounds down his throat when Kedamono took him into a soothing hug—it wasn’t perfect, it was filled with snot, tears, and comfort.

He wants to talk—tell Kedamono everything—and this time, he won’t hesitate. “I w-want to—-hurt myself,” Popee starts in between hiccups, “It’s scaring me, because I’ve never felt like dying, I don’t want to die! I’ve never wanted to hurt myself!”

“You’re not going to,” Kedamono chants. Keda thought that it doesn’t sound as soothing said than thought.

But Popee found it comforting. Everything about Kedamono is comforting.

It took quite a while before Popee was dry of tears and sadness, but it was still worth it to see a smile on his face once again. But Popee truly wasn’t happy, but at that moment, everything felt like it was spinning just for him—when he’s in front of Kedamono, he can pretend.

He can pretend like everything’s okay.

“I’m so glad you still manage to stick with me,” Popee suddenly mentions, and it wasn’t something Kedamono expected. It was like...Popee subtly acknowledged how much of a burden he is, “You’re not intolerable, you know.” Kedamono replies.

Popee gives that half-smile that Kedamono remembers well, “Thanks, Keda.” He pauses, “Can I call you Keda?”

“’Course, Pops.”

Kedamono sees him open his mouth to give a comeback, but he suddenly holds his head as if pain veined through his skull out of blue. Kedamono’s first reaction was to hold him to keep him from fully collapsing.

“Popee, Popee—are you okay?” Kedamono repeated, but Popee can only respond with a ‘the voices are too noisy’. “W...What are they saying?” He tries to ask again, but Popee’s reply turned into mere groans until, eventually, Popee falls unconscious.

But it wasn’t full darkness.

It was blindingly bright.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> : Alright, this may seem very early to say this—Basically, I’m also working on 3 fics I dedicate to my group of friends, and one that I want to publish publicly as well. This fic is updated every Tuesday/Wednesday, but because of bigger projects, I’ll take a break from updating this for two weeks; I’m only mentioning this because I fear that the readers that read this consistently would think that I’ve abandoned this and won’t come back—which isn’t the case! It’s not exactly because of writer’s block, either; I would just appreciate a little rest.
> 
> I feel upset about leaving a cliffhanger for so long, but I hope the next chapters would pay for it.


	5. Home (CH5)

_Is he waking up?_

Out of all the undecipherable phrases said in the room, that was the only one Popee understood. And as desperate as he was to open his eyes, the light seeping through his eyelids is not a pleasurable feeling.

So he did what he can—listen closely.

Someone was speaking to him. The voice was deep, but the words muffled as if Popee was in water. It had a comforting tone to it—he wasn’t sure if it was naturally soothing, or if it was because of the gentleness of his hushed words.

Popee narrowly opens his red-rimmed eyes. Instead of seeing only the light that irritated him, he saw two silhouettes towering over him. One was a tall figure, and the other seems smaller than Popee in general.

With each second, the voices start to get clearer. In desperation, Popee struggled to open his eyes fully or even just move his hand, but he found that he’s unable to. He was paralyzed. He was able to make his finger twitch, though, and that seemed to bring delight especially to the tall man. 

Why can’t he move...? What’s happening?

Popee found that trying harder to break out of his paralyzed state is futile, and instead struggled to understand anything he can hear. 

“Why isn’t he moving anymore?” Like a miracle, he hears every word instead of feeling like he’s underwater. “He’s still in a state of semi-comatose, he’s not completely awake, but he can hear us right now.”

Semi...Comatose; that sounds oddly familiar.

He hears a gasp, before he slightly feels a hand gently taking his upper arm, “Son, can you hear me?” ‘Yes, now I can.’ Popee sarcastically replies in his thoughts, “You’re gonna be just fine, you hear me? It’s all going to be okay, my baby, you’re coming back home soon,” the voice starts sniffing, “Oh god, my baby, please...Wake up, wake up,”

This time, Popee drowns out the man’s desperate begging on purpose. What did he mean by Popee coming back home?

Home, what is home to Popee? The Wolf Circus is Popee’s home. Not this...assumingly Heaven kind of place. He wants to be back at the circus with Kedamono and everyone else—Paola, Onomadek, Eepop...Papi.

“Pres, I know you’re there,” It caught Popee from his moment of thought, as the voice is more feminine, “I’d...uhm, like you to take your time—and when you’re back, I promise there’ll be lots of celebrations! And you’ll feel at home again, Pres, we’ll go home soon.”

All this ‘home’ bull is getting to Popee. Just, stop confusing him, this isn’t his dwelling place and that’s what he should continue believing.

\--------

 

It’s been a few days in what Popee finally understood as a hospital, and it’s an understatement to say that he’s gotten bored. The only time he gets to roam freely is in his dreams, and he can’t even control himself there.

It is kind of entertaining sarcastically replying every time they’d try to communicate with him, even if Popee knows that they can’t hear those mere thoughts either way. It’s just nice being able to insult people again...Or, be him in general—which is yet to happen.

He managed to memorize their routine by now, which makes it much less exciting, but at least it gives him an idea of the time.

He doesn’t, however, stay semi-awake very often, as sleep can take over more than he thought was possible—but then again, the last time he got sick, he felt restless and pretty hungry. He would’ve figured every sickness differs, anyway.

From how they call each other, Popee connected one with another and understood the relationships between who he called girl, man, and the doctor; girl calls man ‘Paps’ or in a single rare occasion, ‘Dad’. Man calls girl ‘Reeses’, which, from one conversation, Popee learned to be the name of girl’s favorite chocolate brand. Doctor calls Man ‘Mr. Williams’ and girl ‘your daughter’—she wasn’t mentioned very often by the hospital staff, though;

And...They call him Popee.

At least man and girl do—the hospital staff referred to him as ‘Preston’, but they don’t really talk directly to him unlike the other two. Maybe it was a fake name or something, and they’re going to kidnap Popee as soon as he’s awake and discharged; Popee has a lot more of those theories regarding the intention and involvement of man and girl.

Before he could recount all his speculations, he heard the familiar opening and closing of the door—which Popee found odd at first, since he had been dealing with tents almost all his life—he’s not sure he has experienced any of this either.

But he felt like he’d known all this firsthand.

As expected, there’s the sound of light splashing and glass tapping against wood; Popee learned that they just often bring in flowers, which causes all that noise. He heard more than just a pair of footsteps, which means that girl is here as well.

“Good morning,” He can hear a smile on the man’s face, “They said your chances are getting better, son.”

_Don’t call me that._

There was a soft sigh, then soft thumping of footsteps; from the limited logic Popee can use for what he can hear, it’s usually the man that stays by his side, while the girl is doing something else. He gets the feeling that she’s uncomfortable.

_Guess we’re even, Reeses,_ Popee thought as he carelessly fell into slumber.

\--------------

_  
The dream was black and white._

_He’s playing...A guitar. He wasn’t, it’s more like he was trying to play; his hands are smaller than he remembers them to be...Is he younger in this dream? As expected, he isn’t free to move, as his ‘character’ seems to have a mind of his own._

_There’s a girl in front of him. Her lively white hair tied into low and short pigtails, and her big eyes looked up with such awe Popee had been craving for a long time, “Again! Try again!”_

_Popee couldn’t help but smile. It’s been a long time since he had received such praise; but instead of that burning arrogance, he felt genuine pride in him. So, he continued, strumming the guitar strings with relaxed fingers._

_‘Ghosts in the photograph,’ He sung with a low, gentle lullaby-like voice, ‘Never lied to me.’_

_I’d be all of that  
I’d be all of that_

_Suddenly, the monochrome room was bursting with overwhelmingly neon colors—it took Popee quite a while to realize that the dancing colors were Koi fishes of many hues, nonchalantly swimming in the air; as soon as he realized this, he felt much more comfortable with the gorgeous fishes._

_A false memory_  
Would be my everything  
A denial my eliminent 

_He realized he wasn’t even singing anymore; it was just a relaxing disembodied voice left taking his place. The little girl had stood up and admired the flying creatures—she’d stroke one if she got close enough._

_He’d long since stopped strumming, mostly due to the fact that his left hand’s fingers were aching. He stood and placed the guitar; he felt...significantly older now; well, he’s back to feeling like his normal self._

_What was that for?  
What was that for?_

_Everything was so peaceful, and Popee finally felt distracted from all the things he’s forced to deal with. He forgets about the circus, everything; all he had to look at that moment were the Koi fishes and nothing could bother him._

_Peace shattered into pieces when a loud sob rang throughout the entire room. The little girl was crying from behind him, no doubt—and it hurt Popee...He didn’t know why, but from such a --why small amount of time this girl broke his heart with something as simple as a cry. Almost like on instinct, he turned around to find that she was on her knees._

_There was something in her hands, but the angle makes it hard for Popee to see. When he got closer, he found that the gem that could make such an energetic girl cry was a lifeless, Pink Koi fish._

_It was a genuinely saddening sight—why? Why does it upset Popee so much? He doesn’t even know the girl’s name, so why does he have to be so upset?_

_He hates this. He hates feelings._

_Bring it back to when everything was fine, please—  
_

\------------

Beeping.

That must mean he’s awake, then. He can hear the man’s soft humming and the light plucking of a guitar—that must be why he dreamt of one. Popee can’t think of an encounter with that song he sung in his own dream; yet, it felt like...He heard it even before the dream.

It felt significant.

No, everything in that dream felt significant. The girl...She seemed special to Popee in some way, or perhaps Popee just needed someone as oblivious and naïve as he is right now—he knows absolutely nothing of what’s happening.

Personally, she indeed was adorable. She reminds Popee of his earlier days in the Wolf Circus where everything was as fresh as the bright blue sky; innocence seemed to be legitimately radiating off of her.

It’s the last thing Popee wants back, his oblivious innocence to everything; like, just stop feeling things again. He can’t afford getting hurt by mere emotions again. “Reeses?” The man said, breaking the semi-silence from earlier, “Are you practicing a new song?”

This was followed by a soft chuckle, “No, I’m just...Replaying an old song, you know?” The girl answered.

“Is it that again?” The man asked, and a short pause followed soon after. “...Yeah,” She replied, almost reluctantly. The way she strummed the guitar makes it seem like she’s experimenting with it, almost. “Can you sing it again, dear?” The man requested nearly as soon as she had answered.

Now, the girl gave no more questions and fixed her fingers onto the right chords. When she started strumming, Popee felt his frequent déjà vu operating his gear heads again—but it was an understatement to say it like that.

It’s...Is that the song from the dream?

He listened closer than ever; because if it was, this all can’t be a coincidence. Sure, maybe it had appeared in his dreams because she was perhaps singing it while he’s still deep in slumber, but Popee can’t really get himself on Logic’s side at the moment.

“Ghost in the photograph,” It was at that moment that Popee put twos and twos together and felt the urge to wake up—

He needs to wake up, wake up, _wake up—_

It hurts, it burns; but he forced his eyes to blink open, forced his muscles to move and twitch. It has his groan of pain that started his awakening, and he can hear the man and his daughter briskly approach him; he can hear the panic arise from the two of them.

In a moment or two—Popee can’t even determine it anymore—he can see the light seeping through his eyelashes, and the two figures he remembered well loomed over him again. His hearing was blocked; kind of. 

But he can see two blurred figures, and as they get clearer, Popee’s eyes first glared at the man and his weirdly cut mustache, then to his blond, orange-like hair—it wasn’t that, it has his face, the oh so familiar structure that Popee will never get out of his head.

Then he realized, he knew, is that—

“...Papi?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My break's over, and I'm back with a chapter that actually isn't a filler in any way! I personally suffered with this chapter, especially on how I'll interpret each moment and why they'll even be like that. I hope this is a satisfying chapter to make up for two weeks.
> 
> Goal word count: Over 1.7K+  
> Achieved word count: 1,915

**Author's Note:**

>   
>  This is...my first work on this website.  
> Popee the Performer is a fandom of mine that has few enjoyable fanfictions, and I decided, 'hey, why not contribute to the fandom? lmao', and this is the baby that had been created by that thought. This work started with a thought about the fandom itself, and not the idea of the plot, so my ideas are being added to the story as it progresses, so it's not a fully developed work. Yet. 
> 
> Hopefully, this won't end in Hell...


End file.
